Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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