so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
