We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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