Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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