you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He felt like a one man threesome
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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