she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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