just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
