Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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