Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have aggressive nipples.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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