I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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