He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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