ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
