I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
