From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
