cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
