Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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