i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
