I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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