she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
