if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
