yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
