we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
