so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
