My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's blow job season.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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