I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
