It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
