I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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