Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
