Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
