I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
