you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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