Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
