I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
