I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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