I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
