She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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