Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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