Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
