I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Randomize
