there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
