at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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