Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
