you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
