I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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