You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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