Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
