Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
