we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
