My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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