Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she told me i tasted like america
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
