You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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