Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
