my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
