i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He did a backflip because drugs
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