Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
