Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
