Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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