just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
