dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
