I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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