You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize