You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
