Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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