I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
