At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
