So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
