He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I party with great urgency now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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